When it comes to infidelity, there is a common stereotype that women, particularly wives, are more likely to have affairs in long-term relationships. But is that actually true? The reality, from psychological research and observation, is far more complex. Infidelity is not exclusive to any gender, and while patterns of behavior can differ between men and women, the motivations, contexts, and frequency of cheating are diverse and nuanced.

First, let’s look at the data. Studies in relationship psychology consistently show that both men and women cheat, though sometimes for different reasons. Historically, surveys suggested men reported higher rates of infidelity, especially in younger age groups. Women, particularly in long-term marriages, were once thought to cheat less. However, more recent research indicates that the gap is narrowing. Women’s reported rates of affairs have increased, particularly among educated, middle-aged, and financially independent women. This challenges the stereotype that only wives or women have affairs.

Motivations for infidelity can differ between genders, but there is significant overlap. Many studies find that women are more likely to cheat due to emotional dissatisfaction, lack of attention from their partner, or desire for intimacy and validation. Men, conversely, are often stereotyped as cheating for sexual variety or opportunity. In practice, both genders can cheat for emotional, sexual, or situational reasons, and the lines are often blurred. Personally, in observing relationship counseling and anecdotal experiences, I’ve noticed that women often combine emotional and physical motives, making affairs more about connection than pure sexual novelty.

Context is also important. Wives may be more likely to have affairs in midlife, often triggered by life transitions such as children leaving home, career changes, or feeling undervalued in a long-term marriage. Men may cheat at any stage, sometimes linked to opportunity, lifestyle, or social norms. Yet both men and women cheat across all stages of life. What differs is often how society perceives and reacts to these affairs. Women’s infidelity tends to be judged more harshly socially, even if the rates are similar, leading to the mistaken belief that only wives cheat.

Another factor is how infidelity is discovered and reported. Men’s affairs are often more visible or flagged by sexual encounters outside the home, while women’s infidelity may be more private or emotional, making it less likely to be publicly acknowledged. This visibility gap contributes to the misconception that wives are the primary offenders in certain contexts, even though men also engage in extramarital relationships at comparable rates.

Cultural and social expectations further influence perceptions. In some societies, female fidelity is strictly emphasized, making the revelation of an affair more scandalous and memorable. This creates a narrative in which “only wives cheat” or “female infidelity is unusual,” even when statistical evidence shows both genders participate in affairs. From personal observation, I’ve seen that discussions about infidelity often focus on women because their actions challenge deeply ingrained social norms, whereas men’s cheating is sometimes dismissed as expected behavior.

Psychologically, the drives behind infidelity often overlap: desire for novelty, validation, revenge, unmet needs, and personal growth. Both men and women navigate these drives differently depending on personality, attachment style, relationship satisfaction, and opportunity. In my experience with couples, the underlying cause of affairs is rarely gender-specific; it’s more about what each partner needs or feels is missing in their relationship.

So why does the stereotype persist that only wives have affairs? It’s partly a narrative bias: female infidelity is more shocking to many, thus more discussed or remembered. It’s also partly about reporting methods: women may be more open in surveys or therapy about emotional affairs, while men’s sexual exploits are often underreported or normalized. Finally, societal expectations of fidelity are gendered, so women’s actions stand out more.

In conclusion, the answer is clear: no, only women or wives do not have affairs. Both men and women cheat, although patterns, motives, and societal reactions may differ. Infidelity is a human behavior, influenced by psychology, context, opportunity, and relationship dynamics rather than gender alone. Wives are not uniquely prone to cheating; they are simply part of a broader, complex pattern of human behavior.

Understanding this helps couples address infidelity more rationally. Instead of focusing on gendered stereotypes, the focus should be on relationship satisfaction, communication, emotional fulfillment, and boundaries. Both partners, regardless of gender, can be vulnerable to temptation or unmet needs. From personal observation, couples who explore these factors openly, without blaming gender, are far more likely to repair trust and strengthen their bond after infidelity.